The Energy Wheel
Enjoyment builds charge — it raises the body’s level of spiritual energy*, much like a bladder fills with liquid or a battery with electrons. This energy that builds — our literal life force — is wildly intelligent and powerful but also mysterious and elusive: it cannot be pinned down and doesn’t act with predictability. It can, however, be reliably cultivated and harnessed, both in the bedroom and in the world outside.
Much like with magnets, working with charge (both with others and within ourselves) is a dance between two opposing forces, one that incandesces (often referred to as the feminine) and one that contains and gives shape (the masculine). When two or more are building charge together, we also must consider who is leading and who is following — this is often referred to as dominance and submission.
While helpful, these terms can also be vague and/or culturally overloaded, so it’s helpful to think in terms of “attention outward” (on the container, on the other), and “attention inward” (on one’s own pleasure or energetic wave). Similarly we de-claw the terminology of power exchanges by simply asking “who is driving and who is being driven?”
*This energy goes by many names: chi, prana, kundalini, spirit, life force, sexual energy, creative juju…
To cultivate charge together (whether in love or in life) first ask whose wave are we riding? Partners (whether sexual or creative) can raise charge by embodying polar-opposite quadrants: either the driver tunes into their partner’s wave and guides it towards arousal, or the driver focused on their own pleasure and the passenger is ‘used’ and enjoyed. Remember that charge doesn't build linearly — it builds in waves of ever-increasing intensity, often with space in between for grounding and rest.
Avoid partner configurations which don’t have clear drivers and passengers, or where both are simultaneously attention-inward, as these tend end in conflict or otherwise dissipate charge. Configurations where both are attention-outward can be stable but don’t build much charge.
Often experienced partners will fall into familiar dynamics to produce charge — this can lead to stagnation and limit one’s range and wholeness. Once couples learn to embody all quadrants, they can begin to switch during cultivation, leading to higher and higher levels of charge. When switching, move clockwise to avoid unexpected containment failures, and let the attention-inward one drive the transition. Remember to allow space for the formless partner to reform and the containing one to soften — here too, a space in between the waves...
